"...imagine for a moment you're in the sole care of an eight hundred pound giant who insists you do things that you don't like and don't understand, and who smacks you with a fifty pound hand or huge board when you don't do as you're told or when you cry or complain... It is easy to lose the perspective that we [adults] are all powerful giants to the children around us.
Violence against children, like violence against adults, is initially unthinkable. The first time a person allows himself to lose control, there may be immediate horror, remorse, and promises that it will never happen again. Yet that first violation of the inhibition has made the act "thinkable" and therefore likely to occur again. Eventually it may begin to seem normal."
-Getting Free by Ginny NiCarthy, MSW
Violence is a behavior that does any of the following:
* Physically hurts or frightens you, or uses contact with your body to control or intimidate you
* Takes away your freedom of movement
* Causes you to believe that you will be physically harmed.
-Not to People Like Us: Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages by Susan Weitzman
"If a partner has been abusive one time, it is likely that he or she will do harm again in the future. Every person deserves to live free of violence and fear. Therefore, a victim should not be blamed for domestic violence. Regardless of the situation, the abuser is responsible for abuse."
-HealthTalk Oct. 2006
How many episodes of violence in a home is too many? One? Three? Six? Twenty? How long will you believe the promises of "It won't happen again", "I'll change", "This isn't the parent I want to be", "I'm sorry I hurt you, Honey"?
When will you drawn the line and take action to finally prevent it from happening again? How many times will you redraw that same line in a desperate need to believe the angry storms will end? Don't think you wouldn't do that- because you will.
Will you be courageous enough to take action? Do you understand that everyone around you will start to judge you for the actions you take to stand up to the violence?
You see, they've never seen the outbursts. They've only known the public image you've worked so hard to portray.
The injuries from a sexual assault don't leave overt signs of trauma. And the kids have never needed medical treatment after being the target of rage, right? Are you prepared for everyone to rate the level of abuse in your home on some imaginary scale. As if only the most egregious abusive episodes count?
Will you also qualify the physical outbursts? Will you downplay them because they only happen once every few months? Will you find it easier to push them to the back of your mind since there are no broken bones or physical marks, just a despondent child who no longer trusts their own safety and self worth? Will you try with all your might not to let yourself acknowledge the fear you feel when you are in his presence, to the point where you become physically ill from withholding the stress you feel?
When will you decide that protecting or enabling an abuser is as morally repugnant as the abuse itself? How many times will it take until you take action?
For me... it was around 6. I never thought it would take that many. But it did.
October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
"A home should be a place of stability, comfort, and love. Domestic violence shatters this important foundation."
-President George W. Bush
