Kentucky State Fair and some philosophy

We went out to the miserable and excruciatingly hot Ky State Fair in 100+ degrees- ICK!

But the kidlets had fun. They did the rock wall, watched an alligator show and even got selected to participate in a balloon show inside a 70,000 balloon jungle. I'll sprinkle the photos throughout the rest of this post as I move to the philosophical side of this blog entry.

I read today that everything you do is out of either fear or love. Everything. Take a breath for a minute and really decide if you can latch on to that idea.





It resonated with me as I struggle through the mess of my divorce.








I've been reading a bunch about forgiveness and I'm still stuck. How do you forgive something if that person now pretends that nothing happened? How do you forgive something really terrible when the person doesn't express any remorse? How do you forgive someone for what they've done repeatedly to your children? How? Is it possible?

How can forgiveness of someone not be directly linked to to that person's remorse? How can you forgive when they can't understand, admit or own what it is they've done? How is it possible to move toward forgiveness?

I have been wondering for the last three years how certain choices and actions have been made by my soon-to-be-ex. During that time, I have emotionally drifted from anger that ripples through me unheeded, to deep sadness over the end of what I believed to be my future.

Through all of these emotions I know that being able to forgive him will be the key to healing myself. But it is so difficult as he continues to lash out through every legal and non-legal means possible. Forgiveness isn't only required for the past but for the present as well. How does one do both? Is it possible?

Then, yesterday, I thought more about the idea that all action originates out of love or fear. I tried to put all of his choices and actions in either the fear category or the love category. That's when I had the startling thought that what he is doing and what he has done may actually have very little to do with me. I know darn well it isn't out of love- so that leaves fear.

Fear. Loss of control. Loss of material possessions. Loss of influence. Loss of respect. Loss of self. Loss of one's world view. Loss of status. Loss of family.

Somehow it makes it less personal and therefore easier to move toward forgiveness regardless of the other person and those illusive reasons 'why'.

I'm not saying I've forgiven him. I just don't know how or when that will be possible. But for a moment, I had a small window where I saw that the healing power of forgiveness might be possible through the understanding that the other person's choices had very, very little to do with me and therefore remorse isn't necessary.

So here's my question for you. Once you forgive someone, is it final or do you find that you must continually make the choice of forgiveness? Do you forgive and forget or is that impossible for somethings?

Rocketman- so handsome!

Isn't RocketMan handsome? All the neighbor kids were playing K'nex in the backyard. Mowing the grass the next day was murder.

Today wrapped up the first week of public school for my kidlets. They had a good week. In fact, GooseyGirl was disappointed that they wouldn't be going to school since it was Saturday. Isn't that great!

She was upset that today in Art class they had to leave early since the four hellions in their class started throwing crayons . These four boys must have some serious issues at home because they are WILD!

Technorati Tags: homeschooling, home school, education, home education, parenting, family, homeschooler, children, unschooling, teaching

Lincoln

Tomorrow I go to mediation over child custody issues. I'm hopeful we can avoid trial. I tripped over this quote and I thought it was quite relevant for my divorce.

Quarrel not at all. No man resolved to make the most of himself, can spare time for personal contention. Still less can he afford to take all the consequences, including the vitiating of his temper, and the loss of self-control. Yield larger things to which you can show no more than equal right; and yield lesser ones, though clearly your own. Better give your path to a dog, than be bitten by him in contesting for the right. Even killing the dog would not cure the bite. - Abraham Lincoln

First Day Tears

My kidlets started public school for the first time yesterday. The boys seemed to do okay but GooseyGirl really had a rough time. She was seated next to a boy who is the class clown and was getting her into trouble.

The teacher uses a green, yellow, red sign and GooseGirl almost had to put her name on yellow yesterday because of this distracting boy sitting next to her. She was in tears when she got home, her stomach had butterflies and then she ended up in my bed in the middle of the night due to bad dreams.

I wrote a note to the teacher and asked that GooseyGirl be moved away from him. Hopefully that will work and she'll have a better day today. All three of them asked if they'd have to go to school again today for another seven hours. They said they liked our school where we only do 3 hours a day.

I guess I just want them to love it. They have a high love for learning now and I want that to flourish. RocketMan said math was great. They only did plussing under 10. YIKES- this is the kid who is doing long division on his own.

I know, I know, it is the first day- baby steps, baby steps. This is going to be a difficult transition.

In quilty news, I finished a Batik top today. I'm working on a website for my quilts and will soon have it ready for launch! This top was done completely out of my scrap drawer. Gotta love a pro-bono quilt top!


Technorati Tags: homeschooling, home school, education, home education, parenting, family, homeschooler, children, unschooling, teaching

First Day of School

Well, today is the day. The first day of third grade. I am surprisingly okay with the end of our homeschooling journey. I thought I would be able to tailor their education to their passions for many more years but then life happens. Trying to continue homeschooling as a single parent isn't possible for me.

But I like their teacher and they are very excited about school. I am trusting in the goodness of the universe as we swing toward traditional school for the first time. This transition is going to be hard and I will have to deal with a myriad of feelings as they hit those inevitable rocky patches.

Last night RocketMan told me, "Mom, I wish you could home school us again." My heart broke.

This morning RocketMan said, "I hope our teacher this year is as nice as our Kindergarten teacher." As their former Kindergarten teacher I needed that little word hug.

Last night GooseyGirl couldn't sleep and she got out her history notebook and read through all the history we covered in 1st and 2nd grade. I was impressed with how much she remembered about Alexander and Beaucephalus, Attila the Hun, Osiris, Buddha, Constantine, and Clovis.

Perhaps we'll move towards afterschooling to keep up with history and latin. I don't know what is store for us but I trust that it is only for the good and I welcome the changes in my life as an opportunity to learn more.

So, yeah, I'm a bit melancholy but I'm also excited for them. I wish I could be a fly on the wall today!

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Delectable Mountain Quilt Finished!

I got the Delectable Mountain Quilt finished! I used freemotion feathers, vines and leaves throughout. Enjoy the eye candy.

Neighbors

The kidlets and I moved in with my parents this past Spring due to divorce. It was a big adjustment for everyone and I was concerned about the children.

How would they feel about living in a different home without a lot of space to call their own? Would they find some other kidlets to play with?

I shouldn't have worried. This neighborhood is crawling with kidlets just their age. I looked out my window recently and there were 10+ elementary age kiddos in our court having a ball. It looked like we were having another birthday party. The photo you see is of the twins across the street playing K'nex with BirdMan for hours on our back patio.

Last week one of the neighbors asked the kidlets if they wanted to head up to the local pool with her and her kids. I went with them and as I was chatting to her she said, "You know, my next door neighbor and I were talking recently. We were saying what a blessing your children have been to our street. They have connected all the other kids to each other and treat everyone with so nicely."

Proud? You betcha.
Touched? Yep.
Relieved? Definitely.

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