Kentucky State Fair and some philosophy

We went out to the miserable and excruciatingly hot Ky State Fair in 100+ degrees- ICK!

But the kidlets had fun. They did the rock wall, watched an alligator show and even got selected to participate in a balloon show inside a 70,000 balloon jungle. I'll sprinkle the photos throughout the rest of this post as I move to the philosophical side of this blog entry.

I read today that everything you do is out of either fear or love. Everything. Take a breath for a minute and really decide if you can latch on to that idea.





It resonated with me as I struggle through the mess of my divorce.








I've been reading a bunch about forgiveness and I'm still stuck. How do you forgive something if that person now pretends that nothing happened? How do you forgive something really terrible when the person doesn't express any remorse? How do you forgive someone for what they've done repeatedly to your children? How? Is it possible?

How can forgiveness of someone not be directly linked to to that person's remorse? How can you forgive when they can't understand, admit or own what it is they've done? How is it possible to move toward forgiveness?

I have been wondering for the last three years how certain choices and actions have been made by my soon-to-be-ex. During that time, I have emotionally drifted from anger that ripples through me unheeded, to deep sadness over the end of what I believed to be my future.

Through all of these emotions I know that being able to forgive him will be the key to healing myself. But it is so difficult as he continues to lash out through every legal and non-legal means possible. Forgiveness isn't only required for the past but for the present as well. How does one do both? Is it possible?

Then, yesterday, I thought more about the idea that all action originates out of love or fear. I tried to put all of his choices and actions in either the fear category or the love category. That's when I had the startling thought that what he is doing and what he has done may actually have very little to do with me. I know darn well it isn't out of love- so that leaves fear.

Fear. Loss of control. Loss of material possessions. Loss of influence. Loss of respect. Loss of self. Loss of one's world view. Loss of status. Loss of family.

Somehow it makes it less personal and therefore easier to move toward forgiveness regardless of the other person and those illusive reasons 'why'.

I'm not saying I've forgiven him. I just don't know how or when that will be possible. But for a moment, I had a small window where I saw that the healing power of forgiveness might be possible through the understanding that the other person's choices had very, very little to do with me and therefore remorse isn't necessary.

So here's my question for you. Once you forgive someone, is it final or do you find that you must continually make the choice of forgiveness? Do you forgive and forget or is that impossible for somethings?