A nest of pain and a nest for a conure
I haven't been posting much lately and I apologize.
My kidlets and I are surviving the pangs of divorce and the transition to public school from homeschooling.
Many days the thoughts and ideas I have aren't necessarily for public consumption. Let's just say that I have discovered surviving a divorce is worse than surviving a death.
There doesn't seem to be an end to the emotional destruction caused by my ex-husbands choices for both myself and my children.
I do have one smile for you today, though. BirdMan was walking around with Apollo, his pet conure. The bird likes to sleep inside a hanging tent that kind of squishes him as he nestles up in the corners. I suppose he feels safe with the pressure holding him in as he relaxes into sleep.
BirdMan had on his hoody and Appollo climbed up in between his ear and the fabric. I guess Apollo was sleepy and this felt comfortable. Everytime the flash went off, Apollo would poke his head out to see what the heck was going on! Too cute!
6 comments:
Hi! I'm so glad you posted. I have prayed for you and check the website often hoping that you have posted. Please know that you are not alone. I think I have already told you that I was almost in the same place at this time last year. How I have survived this far, I don't know but can only say that God is in control of my life. I am still in the relationship with my husband, even after the umpteenth affair. The pain doesn't go away, but God gives me grace to make it through one more day and in the still, quiet moments of my day, I know that He is right there with me getting me through this/these trial/s. I can feel your pain from over here, and God has laid you on my heart many times. You keep on keeping on, and remember that your strength comes from the Lord! Those beautiful children know they have the best mama and God is taking care of their hearts, even while in the public school system. Don't lose hope!
Always here if you need me...Dee in sunny Florida!
rebel4jesus25@hotmail.com
ps Oh, and I love the bird!
I really appreciate your support, Dee. It is nice to know that my kidlets and I are prayed for.
You are a strong woman to have gone through so much pain and were able to survive in the way you have. I admire you!
Angela,
I don't know if I'm a strong woman. Last year was the worst year of my life. I went from wanting to commit suicide(and almost did), to literally wanting to murder my husband(this is not figuratively,I meant literally). Oh, I don't mean murder in the sense of playing around with the idea, I mean I was devistated enough to think that he needed to pay for causing me so much pain and entertained a few ways to do this. There were nights that I literally had to cry out to the Lord not to hurt this man or wish him the most horrible deadliest of diseases that I could think of. It was a dark and difficult time. My love for the children and the fact that even though I felt alone, I never let go of the hope that God was there and that my feelings of being alone were just a form of deception of the enemy, that kept me from acting upon my irrational thinking.
I know that many people prayed for me during this time, and I don't even know when it happened, but the Lord began to fill me with strength and I began to put the pieces of my crumbled and broken life together. I was totally dependant on this man, and I had to learn to become totally dependant on God.
We are now in the midst of working it out, yet again. Some people think I'm crazy for staying, but at this moment in time, for me, divorce was not an option. Though I was ready and willing once I got my strength to give him the divorce, for some reason, he then didn't want to and wanted to give things another shot. I still love him, and I have two little boys that I feel will be emotionally devistated if we got a divorce.
Angela, the pain of this last year is still very real. You were right to describe it as a death, it was a death for me. I am a different person. The Dee that everyone knew before this is no longer. She did die.
But you know what, Angela. I'm glad that Dee is dead. You see, this person that the Lord has built up now is different. I was so quick to see all the evil in my own husband and the Lord showed me that there were things inside of me that were also unpleasing to the Lord, so in having to reflect upon his ugliness, I was made aware of my own. You see, I had and have no control over his issues, he has to take them to God, but I was very much in control of my own darkness, my own demons.
I am still a work in progress, and I struggle with trust issues and have sort of gone deep within myself, where it's comfortable. I have to be aware of this at all times and not do this, not go to that place where I can be alone and sulk. There are people there that God sends to help ease the pain and help us grow and we must let them in.
I found your website searching for homeshool curriculum and there was something about it that kept me coming back. When I read that you were getting divorced, I felt such a pain in my heart because I knew that yet another family was in pain.
I will continue to lift you up and your children and I pray that God protects them through this and while they are in school. But I have no doubt that you are a strong woman and that you "Will" come out stronger for it and I pray for him, too. He is your beautiful children's father and right now he does not even see the damage that he causes. It's like he's blind in these moments, but eventually, Angela, he will come to his senses, and there will again come a time of peace and calm. It's hard to see it now, so soon and so smack in the middle of it, but it will happen.
Love In Him, Dee
rebel4jesus25@hotmail.com
I'm so glad you posted too. I can't remember how I found your site but I have a 5 year old, twin 3 year old boys, and a 1 year old. My older three tend to function as a unit and so your hints on how you organized your household when the triplets were younger have been so helpful. I have been thinking of you guys and hoping school is still going well and that you're all okay. One year from now, things will be so much better and this very hard part will be behind you. Keep posting!
I wondered how the kidlets were doing in school. Most kids are pretty flexible, so with time they'll probably do just fine. They're getting a lot of support at home and that's what really matters.
So sorry you're having to deal with the uglies of divorce. I've always heard death was easier because you can make it final--but the divorced person is still around!
Keep positive and maybe with time it'll become easier. Prayers heal a lot! Lots coming your way.
I haven't been on for a while and just found out - I'm so sorry! My parents divorced when I was 12 and I really relate to your comment about death being easier. It truly is so. With a death, you can grieve. People crowd around you and help you to heal. I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you. It may be over the internet, but you do have people crowding around you, praying and mourning with you.
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