Brainwashing

I'm not afraid to admit it. I have brainwashed my children. In fact, I'm fairly certain this is just a normal parental tactic to steer children in a desirable direction without the need for pesky details like evidence and facts.

The object of this brainwashing? McDonald's. That cheerful clown is truly the devil in disguise. I've never liked their food. (All right, except when I was a teen and craved their shakes but I think that was just because I had a sodium deficiency.) But after taking my little brother to MickeyD's way too often, I decided that no children of mine would be sucked in by the marketing beast that is Ronald McDonald. The movie, Super Size Me, simply reinforced my position.

It all began when my triplets were almost three years old and I had to take my van over to get its exhaust tested for the clean air act. I was by myself with three toddlers, one diaper bag and zero snacks. It started to rain and the kids were starving. Through the clouds I spotted the golden arches and made a beeline for the indoor playground and the cheap grub.

The kids were really enjoying themselves and I started to think that this is how the addiction begins. The new parent innocently takes the child to an indoor playground on a dismal day, they receive a cheap flashy plastic toy and history is made. Just when I started to feel remorse over the floodgates I had opened, Gooseygirl threw up her McBurger all over the table, floor and trays. IN that moment, fate had thrown me a bone. Hallelujah!

But what exactly is the proper etiquette in this situation with three toddlers in tow? I chose to clean up the table as best I could, notify the manager and leave tire marks in the parking lot as I squealed out of there.

To this day, every time we pass a McD's GooseyGirl says, "Yuck, McDonald's. Their food makes me sick."

I reply emphatically, "That's right. We can't ever eat there. We wouldn't want Gooseygirl to be sick!"

Now the boys aren’t quite convinced. They see the long lines of people, the brightly colored slides and think to themselves, maybe there’s more to that place then we’ve been led to believe. RocketMan says, “Look mom, it says they serve billions and billions of people. Why would all those people want to eat at such a yucky place?”

To which I reply, “Oh, they must all be CRAZY!”

BirdMan, RocketMan and GooseyGirl then repeat this assertion together in this distant brainwashed voice, “Yeah, crazy.” (insert evil laugh here) Heh, heh, heh, heh... my plan is still working. If only my brainwashing techniques had been able to keep Barney out of our world. I did hear about a mom whose discipline technique of choice for her preteens was to force them to listen to Barney songs for 10 minutes if they misbehaved. She said it was quite effective.

Hmmmm... I'll have to write that one down.