Parrot Supplies Suprise

There are the standard things that you need when you get a bird that are completly expected. A cage, seeds and toys, for instance. Then there are the completely unexpected bird accessories, like panty liners.

Yesterday I stood in the Target aisle of feminine products looking at the dozens of styles, trying to figure out which brand would best suit my parrot, Apollo. Would he like the extra soft? The long and tapered? The scented or unscented. Decisions, decisions.

All those embarrassing commercials I've seen over the years didn't help me make up my mind. Birdy hygiene needs are rarely covered in the magazine ads or TV spots. Exactly how do you pick out the right panty liner for a parrot and, moreover, why does the bird need one, you ask?

It is for his diaper.

I can see the magazine spread now...
A lovely rainbow colored jump suit made of stretch nylon with ample room for his supple wings. The suit gives him freedom and comfort along with peace of mind for his humans. The attached stylish leash provides safety from unwanted flight while the poop pouch absorbs waste and keeps your shoulder free from unwanted debris.

Now that would make interesting ad copy.

Aside from the biting that Apollo engages in when we strap on his suit, he seems to enjoy his walks outside and his car trips to the post office. The suit has a little pouch that hangs below the business end and the panty liners catch the business. It doesn't bind him and is quite soft. He has gone for walks and bike rides so far but seems to enjoy the bicycle over the big wheel.

Apollo has enjoyed meeting some of our neighbors but doesn't seem to like the neighbor's Great Dane, Caesar. Which goes to prove that Greek Gods and Roman Emperors weren't destined to be friends. We all know that too much ego all in one place never works out.

They also make the suits in theme fabric for Halloween. The suit comes with a little witches hat and a cape. I don't think Apollo would go for the cape. The Easter suit comes with bunny ears. Seriously though, what self respecting bird would actually wear bunny ears with his diaper. I mean, get real.